The facilitator is a licensed therapist, and this work is therapeutic — but the program is a facilitated group experience, not individual therapy. If you're already in therapy, this often complements that work beautifully.

I'm already leaning one way about having children — is it still worth joining?

Yes. Having a lean but still feeling uncertain, or having outside pressure complicating your own read on things, is exactly what this work is designed for.

What if my partner and I disagree about having children?

This is one of the most common situations. The program helps you separate what you actually want from what your relationship dynamic is telling you to want. that's often the most important thing you can do for yourself and your relationship.

What is the weekly time commitment?

One live group call per week (90 minutes) plus optional async engagement and reflections (about 30–60 minutes). Most people find themselves thinking about the material throughout the week.

How does applying to the program work?

You fill out a short application form (5 minutes). Every application is read personally, and you'll hear back within 24–48 hours. If it's a good fit, you'll receive a payment link.

You're a parent yourself. How do I know you don't have a bias toward parenthood?

Totally fair to wonder. The goal is to help each person find their own truth. Whoever follows their own desires chose themselves — whatever they chose. As a parent, the facilitator knows firsthand how hard it is and would never want anyone to walk into it without real clarity.

To Babe or Not to Babe | Deciding Whether to Have a Child

Q: Do I need to leave with a decision about whether to have children?

Yes — but the decision has three valid forms. By the end of six weeks, you will have one of these: yes (you know you want to become a parent and have a next step), no (you know a childfree life is yours and you're ready to claim it), or not yet — but here's my next step and my deadline. That last one is not limbo. It's a plan. All three are real answers.

Q: How is this program different from books or self-guided programs about the parenthood decision?

Books and self-guided programs are valuable, but most people who join this group have already read the books. The difference is live conversation with other people sitting in the same exact place, guided by a death doula and therapist who has spent 8+ years doing this work.

Q: What is the refund policy?

If you sign up and your availability changes before the course begins, you can switch to a different group at no extra charge. Once the course begins, no refunds are given. The group dynamic depends on everyone being committed.

Q: What percentage of people who finish the group choose to become a parent vs. stay childfree?

Based on cohorts so far: roughly 50% leave with yes (they know they want to become a parent and have a concrete next step), 40% leave with no (they know a childfree life is theirs), and 10% leave with not yet — but with a specific next step and a deadline. All three are real outcomes.

Caroline — death doula and therapist, facilitator of To Babe or Not to Babe

Your facilitator

hi, i'm Caroline Lee. death doula, therapist, and the person who created this program.

Death Doula · 8 years Therapist · 4 years Mom at 37 & 39

@howcarolinecarolines on Instagram · @death.ed on TikTok

i've been a death doula for about 8 years and a therapist for 4. over time, my work took on a specialty: helping people navigate the giant, murky seas of do i want to have a child, or remain childfree?

i've worked with individuals, couples, and throuples on this. queer couples, solo mothers by choice, people whose partners want different things. what i've learned, sitting with all of them, and from sitting with people at the end of their lives, is that this choice lives very close to the core of what shapes a life.

there is no universally right answer. only the one that is most true for you.

i started running small groups because i saw how much more possible this work becomes when you're doing it alongside other people who are sitting in the same exact place.

Why this question is so hard

this decision can't be reasoned through.

eight years as a death doula. four as a therapist. here's what i know:

the math will never math.

this question doesn't live in a spreadsheet. no number of pros and cons will close it.

it's one of the only permanent things left.

tattoos are removable now. careers shift. this is one of the few things that actually can't be undone. you're not being dramatic for feeling that.

something happens in the 35–40 window.

most of the people i work with are in this range. for those with a uterus, the body sends a message: make a call, or i'll make it for you. but the weight of this window is real for anyone in it.

no matter what you choose, there is grief.

whichever path you choose, there's a life you won't know. the ache is real, and it's normal. staying in ambiguity doesn't make it go away. it just keeps you there longer.

you can't pause it.

the body is going to body. life is going to life. war, money, relationships: none of it actually pauses the clock.

"sitting with people at the end of their lives taught me this: whether to have a child or remain childfree lives very close to the core of what shapes a life. there is no right answer. only the one that is true for you."

What this program is

six weeks. eight people. one question.

To Babe or Not to Babe is a 6-week small group (part group therapy, part facilitated exploration) for people deciding whether to have a child or remain childfree.

for a few years, i've worked with individuals, couples, and throuples on this. queer couples, solo mothers by choice, partnered and single. what everyone shares: the weight of not knowing, and the wish for a real space to work through it.

eight people. six weeks. live. i'm not here to nudge you toward an answer.

as part of the program, you get access to a library of recorded AMAs with people who chose to be childfree, became parents, built queer families, became solo parents by choice, and landed somewhere they didn't expect. so much of this decision lives in the grey. the AMAs exist so you can hear from people who designed their lives on purpose.

🎥

6 Live Sessions

Weekly group calls. Real conversation, real people, real breakthroughs.

📝

Weekly Reflections

Guided prompts to keep the work going between sessions.

👥

Small Group

Intentionally small. You will be known. not just another face on a screen.

🎙️

Real People AMAs

Recorded conversations with people who've actually made this choice and are honest about what it's like.

The 6-Week Journey

what we do together

each week builds on the last.

your personal inventory

we look at what's actually influencing you: your relationship to time, your body, the messages you've absorbed. we explore why staying in ambiguity can feel protective. and we do the coin toss exercise. (it tells you more than you expect.)

where you learned what parenting looks like

we go back. what was modeled for you? what did your parents give up (or seem to give up)? what does that have to do with what you want now? we watch Ruth Chang's TED talk on how to make hard choices, and talk about why this particular decision can't be reasoned through the usual way.

no. and so much more.

this week you live as if your answer is: you will not become a parent. not hypothetically. actually. you move through your days with that as true. what comes up? what opens? what closes? we debrief together at the end of the week.

yes. and so much more.

this week you live as if your answer is: you are becoming a parent. again, actually. not as a thought experiment. you write a letter to your future child. you feel the weight of that. we debrief what the week brought up.

grief week

you write a eulogy for the version of yourself that will not exist, whichever path you choose. you wear black all week. this sounds heavy. it is. it's also where something real often shifts. no matter what you decide, you are grieving something. we don't skip that part.

the future. your next honest step.

we work backwards from age 45. where do you want to be? what does that tell you about now? you leave this week not just with reflection. with a concrete next step, and a deadline for when you take it.

real people, real choices

this decision is not black and white. the AMAs exist to show you the grey.

included in the program: a library of recorded ask-me-anythings with real people who've made this choice and are honest about what it's actually like. not a highlight reel. a real conversation.

🌿

childfree by choice

people who decided not to become parents, what that decision actually felt like, and what their lives look like now.

🏳️‍🌈

queer families

queer couples and individuals who built families in their own way, on their own timeline, and what that path really looked like.

🌙

solo parents by choice

people who chose to become parents without a partner. the decision, the fear, the logistics, and what they want you to know.

🗺️

the ones who didn't fit the script

people who landed somewhere unexpected. who changed their minds. who found their own answer and it surprised them.

the question isn't "baby or no baby." it's "what kind of life do i want to live?" the AMAs exist to show you what it looks like when people actually design that on purpose.

what people say after six weeks

To Babe or Not to Babe group session on Zoom

despite being a generally decisive person, i've spent the last few years wrestling with whether to become a parent. with most of my friends and peers already on that path, i often felt isolated in my indecision. this group provided a warm, supportive space and a clear framework to help me explore what this choice truly means, both in my mind and in my body. turns out it's normal to need to think really hard about one of the few irreversible decisions we will make in life.

— M.H. · Spring Cohort 2026

a small intimate village to talk about a subject that's sometimes too deep and complicated to talk through with your friends and family. prompts and exercises that make you really pause and dig deeper into yourself. it's beautiful to find pieces of yourself in other's journeys. truly an investment in yourself and a future that feels aligned with what you really want.

— S.H. · Spring Cohort 2026

it felt so sacred to share a space with others processing a subject as vulnerable, tender, and intentional as whether or not to become a parent. caroline facilitated a rich and potent space that helped us each show up with our truths. i will move forward holding each of their precious stories close to my heart as i make the next right, true decision for myself.

— A.W. · Spring Cohort 2026

How this is different

you've already read the books.

if you're here, you've probably done all of it. and you're still going in circles.

what's different: live conversation with people in the same exact place, led by someone doing this work through the lens of death and end-of-life reflection. nobody else is bringing this perspective.

there's also something that only happens in a group: you hear someone describe exactly what you've been feeling, and something shifts.

Books & self-guided

information and frameworks, but you're still doing it alone. no one to reflect back what they hear. no community of people in the same place.

1:1 coaching

deeply valuable, but expensive, and you're missing the group dynamic: hearing yourself in other people's stories.

This program

live group, led by a death doula & therapist, small enough that you're actually seen, structured enough to move you forward.

frequently asked

a few things you may already be asking.

do i need to leave with a decision about whether to have children?

yes. by week six, you'll have one of these: yes (you want to become a parent and you have a next step), no (a childfree life is yours and you're ready to claim it), or not yet, with a specific next step and a deadline. that last one is a plan, not limbo. all three are real answers.

how is this different from books like "the baby decision" or self-guided programs?

most people who join have already read them. the difference is live conversation with other people in the same place, led by a death doula and therapist with 8+ years in this work. the group creates something no book can.

is this therapy or coaching?

i'm a licensed therapist and this work is deeply therapeutic, but the program is a facilitated group, not individual therapy. if you're already in therapy, this often complements it well.

what if i already lean strongly yes or no?

you're still welcome here. strong leanings often carry grief, fear, family conditioning, or unexamined assumptions underneath them. this work helps you know what is truly yours. and that's true whether you're ambivalent or not.

what if my partner and i disagree about whether to have children?

this comes up constantly. the program helps you separate what you actually want from what your relationship is telling you to want. that's often the most clarifying thing you can do for yourself and your relationship.

i'm in my 30s or 40s. is it too late to work through this decision?

this is exactly the age most of the people i work with are. something happens in the 35–40 window. the question becomes more urgent, more real. that's precisely when this work matters most. i had my own kids at 37 and 39. the narrative that this decision has to be made young is not supported by the people i work with.

is this only for women?

no. i work with people of all genders: queer couples, non-binary people, trans people, men, throuples, solo people considering solo parenthood. the question of whether to become a parent belongs to anyone sitting in it. this cohort will reflect who applies.

how many people are in the group?

most groups are 8 people. intentionally small. small enough that you will actually be known, not just another face on a screen. the group dynamic is a core part of what makes this work.

can i do this with my partner?

you can, and some couples have. but many participants from previous cohorts have said, unprompted, that they were glad they did it separately. when you're in the room with your partner, it can be hard to find your own answer versus the answer that feels safe in the relationship. doing it individually first often makes the eventual conversation with your partner clearer and more honest. that said, it's your call. you know your relationship best.

what's the weekly time commitment?

one live group call per week (90 min) plus optional reflections and journaling between sessions (about 30–60 min). most people find themselves thinking about the material throughout the week. no heavy homework load.

how does applying to the group program work?

you fill out a short application form (5 minutes). i read every application personally and reach out within 24–48 hours. if it's a good fit, i'll send you a payment link. this isn't about being exclusive. it's about making sure the group dynamic works for everyone in it.

what is the refund policy?

if you sign up and your availability changes before the course begins, you can switch to a different group at no extra charge. once the course begins, no refunds are given. the group dynamic depends on everyone being committed.

what percentage of people who finish the group choose to become a parent vs. stay childfree?

based on cohorts so far: roughly 50% leave with yes, 40% leave with no, and 10% leave with "not yet", with a specific next step and a date. none of them are going in circles.

you're leading the group but you are a parent. how do i know you don't have a bias?

totally fair to wonder.

here's the honest answer: i don't think one path is braver or more self-honoring than the other. when i hear childfree women say "i chose myself," i actually push back on that framing. i think whoever follows what their desires are chose themselves. whatever they chose. the parent who really wanted to be a parent chose themselves too.

and as someone who is a parent, i know firsthand how hard this is. i would never want someone to walk into it reluctantly, without clarity, without really knowing. that would be bad for them and bad for the child.

my job isn't to nudge you toward what i chose. it's to help you hear yourself.

not ready yet? stay in the loop.

you're on the list.

you've been going back and forth on thisfor a long time.

hi, i'm Caroline Lee. death doula, therapist, and the person who created this program.

looks successful on paper and still cannot hear themselves clearly.

this decision can't be reasoned through.

the math will never math.

it's one of the only permanent things left.

something happens in the 35–40 window.

no matter what you choose, there is grief.

you can't pause it.

six weeks. eight people. one question.

6 Live Sessions

Weekly Reflections

Small Group

Real People AMAs

for the person who has been sitting with this long enough.

baby or no baby is the surface.

structured, intimate, and honest.

the books haven't moved it. neither has waiting.

enough structure that your answer becomes harder to ignore.

begin with the truth

name what is yours

map the life in front of you

what we do together

your personal inventory

where you learned what parenting looks like

no. and so much more.

yes. and so much more.

grief week

the future. your next honest step.

by week six, you will have an answer.

this decision is not black and white. the AMAs exist to show you the grey.

childfree by choice

queer families

solo parents by choice

the ones who didn't fit the script

this program works for some people, not all.

this is for you if…

this is NOT for you if…

what people say after six weeks

i also work with individuals and couples privately.

investment

you've already read the books.

a few things you may already be asking.

get on the list.

you've been in this long enough.

you've been going back and forth on this
for a long time.